When enough just isn't enough ...

Before I became a Mum, I always thought there was two types of Mum's, those who can breastfeed and those who couldn't. I was lucky enough to be one of those who could, but it wasn't without it's hardships. I was under the impression that if you breastfeed the milk mysteriously appeared (which it did and felt like two massive bowling balls attached to my chest) but that it also was constant and didn't go away until you stopped breastfeeding your baby. Boy was I wrong! 

I found that it wasn't all peachy and happy times, that it was probably one of the most stressful and frustrating times of my life. I kept thinking to myself how can I not have enough for my baby, she wants it and I know she wants it but for some reason that wasn't getting to that little area in my brain where it computed it. 

Bubby is now nearly 5 months and for the first 3 she was getting a less than adequate amount for which then I had to top her up with formula. I hated this as I kept thinking I'm sure she is getting enough but is just being fussy, however the scales didn't lie. apparently she wasn't as big as the doctors wanted her to be. Her Australian Paediatrician actually called her "Scrawny". She was in no way or means unhealthy, she looked like a normal and healthy baby but she just wasn't getting enough. I'm not sure if it was stubbornness on my side trying to continue the breastfeeding thinking it would get better and that my milk was better than any formula could provide.

But in the end all we all want for our kids is for them to be happy and healthy and it is heartbreaking for me to have to give up this special bond with my little one, but I just cant do it anymore. Everyone keeps saying I have done an amazing job for feeding her this long, but in all honesty I sometimes feel like a small failure because I haven't been able to give her something she should have full-time and copping out and giving her formula. 

On the other hand I feel lucky enough I have been able to feed her as I know alot of Mum's who haven't been able to feed this long or not at all.

Slowly the amounts I can feed her are dwindling and I'm lucky to feed her once a day, twice if its a good day, all the rest is supplemented with formula. In 2 weeks Bubby will be 5 months old and I think then will be a good time to put her onto formula full-time and start to slowly introduce solids.

And before I forget I have been lucky enough to have an amazing support team around me since day one and my Husband and Mum being the best! I have awesome friends that I could bounce all my concerns off of and I was surprised as to how many of them were and have gone through the same situation as me.

I have one happy baby and if she keeps thriving the way she is I will be one happy mummy too x

My Hero, My Mum

when Mum came to visit in October

I have been going over and over in my head exactly what I should say about my Mum. I don't think there are enough adjectives to explain what a wonderful, fantastic, strong, funny, crazy, random, beautiful and just an all round perfect Mother.

It has taken me a long time to get over my parents divorce, and considering I am now 27 seems a little silly. I always thought they would be together forever and my brothers and I would have that perfect family life, however that would not be the case. They separated nearly 10 years ago, and never ever once did I blame or think it was my mothers fault. To be honest, I think it was the most courageous thing one person has ever done, was to pack up and move from Perth to Adelaide with my brothers.

From the age of 18/19 on-wards I had people tell me how much I looked like my mum, and I hated it. However my Mum was (and still is) GORGEOUS when she was my age. As I am now a little bit older, I love when people compare me to her. 

my wedding day

All I have ever wanted was my Mum to be happy and loved unconditionally and know that she is the Woman, Mother, Friend and Lady I strive to be and will love you forever and ever. I will always be your little girl, Floss, Stace, Daughter, wherever I am in the world and I will always need you, Love you long time x (and I will stop crying now :)

Babies and disappointment...

This getting pregnant thing is kinda hard. To be honest and candid, Hubby and I have been trying for nearly two years to have a little one. As yet it hasn't happened. 

We thought I might be after our trip to America, however unfortunately that wasn't the case. I took a test while Hubby was in London, and needless to say I was upset. My Father is here in a week and it would have been nice to tell a family member in person that we are expecting.

My Godson Kaleb & I, day after he was born

I just sometimes wonder if it's me or we are just one of those couples that wasn't meant to have children. However I see how Hubby is with our niece and nephews and our godson and he will be an amazing father. Being in the middle east, family is a massive part of their culture over here. Pretty much as soon as they can try to get pregnant they start trying, even if they have just given birth. 

You see all those hill-billy bumpkins and teenagers (who shouldn't even be having sex) on tv and they have several children they cant afford to raise or even look after properly, or they have sex once and fall pregnant. And then there are people who would be the best parents in the world who try for years and can provide properly, however it doesn't happen for them.

I have been following the trials and tribulations of a fantastic couple, giuliana and bill Rancic. They have shown me to keep going and to have faith in the fact that this will happen! 

I go shopping and see all the pretty baby clothes, however I don't have anyone to buy it for, and I want someone to buy it for! And it also makes me miss my little godson, who recently moved back to Australia. I felt like a extra mum to him when I was with him and his Mummy. It showed me that I could do this and I will be a fantastic mum!

Hubby and I have a fantastic relationship and even if children don't come into the picture, we are solid within ourselves for it to be just the two of us, and adoption/IVF are always an option. We have a fantastic and fortunate life and we just want to share it with a little +1.

Blog you later 

Stace x

mini tiramisu, big tiramisu

individual mini tiramisu (after dinner treat)

baking is the one thing that its ok for me to be perfect at, and i try must up-most best. It is also something I can put my mind to and to take my mind off other things. One of my favorites is that I love making tiramisu, it is super easy to make and it tastes yummy. The best tiramisu I ever had was at Frankie's at Fairmont Bab Al Bahar in Abu Dhabi. On the plate is three shot glasses, one with normal tiramisu, one with a little amaretto liqueur and then the third is with cherry amaretto liqueur. AMAZEBALLS!!!

My lovely husband bought me last Christmas my orange kitchenaid mixer. I am in love! My husband has his expensive triathlon bike and I have my mixer. This is my hobby and its one that makes not just me, but everyone else happy. I will soon buy the pasta attachment for the mixer, and then i will post photos of my ravioli, tortellini and lasagna. 

large tiramisu I made for work tomorrow

And now onto our holiday update. Well while the Hubby was up in Dubai having a boys nite out, I stayed at home looking at hotels for our trip. I possibly looked at every hotel available in Orlando, and still have decided. It is driving me crazy. One severe problem I have with my OCD, is my indecisiveness. I have troubles deciding on dinner, hotels, what to wear for work, it sometimes takes over and can be too much. However I booked two of the four hotels this weekend, go me :) Need to now book the Grand Canyon Helicopter tour, which is going to be fab. 21 days and we will be on a plane to new york. So very much excited! The one thing Nath and I have wanted to do is go to America before we have kids. We want to eat, drink and go and do anything we like. I have booked us in at Nobu in Las Vegas for a nice dinner, as we love love the one at the Atlantis in Dubai. And during the week booked the Alcatraz night tour. I know that it is completely outside my comfort bubble, however Im starting to look at everything in a new light, and I dont want to be older and have any regrets and wish I had done things when I had the chance. I know I will be super scared going to an old jail at night, considering how much I freaked out at the Madame Tussuad's Serial Killer Live Show. I was hyperventilating and crying as these actors jumped out and creeped up to you hissing ect. I never ever want to be part of something like that again. Hence that possibly comes down to the fact I cant control those people and what they were being paid to do, scare people and they did just that. Maybe we might visit the Madame T's in Las Vegas, but this time without anything extra, i will just stick to the wax people, not the real ones.

Think its time for bed now

Blog you later

Stace 

Not too good yesterday...

Wasn't too sure what was going on yesterday. Seemed to get frustrated at everything. When I gt home to the Husband it seemed to get a lot worse. Not sure if it had something to do with the fact I hadn't eaten since breakfast, but I was getting super claustrophobic when he was sitting next to me looking at flights on my laptop. I don't know what to do. I think I'm going to have a chat to my "head doctor" to find out to make things better, as sometimes it just feels like things are a little worse than they were before. 

On a lighter note, we finally booked our flights to the US in May. Only domestic flights and hotels to book (only a couple more days of stressing). However I am super excited about it all and spending some one-on-one time with the Hubby. Lets just hope we can upgrade to business for our international flights, once you go business you don't go back.


Blog you later
Stace

Who would have thought....

...... that planning a holiday is just as hard as planning a wedding!!! After putting the budget together last night for our USA trip, I had a little mini heart attack as to how much its going to cost. However I dont care. I know this will be the best holiday we have ever had, and im willing to go all out (not sure Nath and his wallet see it the same way though) I have decided on the hotels, flights and all the activites which is I guess part of it complete then

Due to my extensive and fantastic shopping habits, I have decided to limit myself with the clothing and shoes I will be taking on the trip to, 1 pair of jeans, shorts, a couple of shirts, maybe a dress, flip flops, pj's, knickers, a jumper and of course my black Christian Louboutin shoes (looooove). I’m going all minimalistic due to all the things I want to buy :D and how much I want to be able to put into mine (and Nathan's) suitcase.

I have my next "head doctor" appointment in the next couple of weeks. I slightly feel like I have plateaued. I don't feel the same feeling I had a couple months ago, however I’m sure that’s because I was getting used to the medication. At night, some things are starting to frustrate me, as in other people biting their nails or scratching their heads. It’s not all the time but its often enough for me to inform my doctor. I’m not feeling as organised at work anymore, It seems to be all over the place with no order, and I think that’s what is frustrating me the absolute most. Im trying to figure out what to do, but I’m sure I will have this sorted out when I speak to him.

However I had a good moment this morning and didn’t go back and check if I had turned off the powerpoints in the bedroom and spare room. Hi-5 to me :) Also the old Stacey wouldnt have kept any parking tickets on the dashboard of her car, however I have had one there for nearly 3 weeks!!! thats big for me :)

Anyways better go too sleeep

Blog you later

Stace

My life in Abu Dhabi (Chapter one)......

The View from our apartment

Nathan and I moved to Abu Dhabi in July of 2006. Possibly the biggest thing I have ever done in my whole entire life, and not once have I regretted it. I was and still am a comfort bubble person. Moving countries is big for anyone, let alone someone like me who had never left Australia at that stage. I love Nathan and I would have followed him anywhere, and I know he would do the same for me. All I remember when he got the offer to come over here, was going and shutting myself in the toilet crying my eyes out and just feeling sick. Only a few weeks before I had my second case of Bell's Palsy, which is a mild stroke in the face. I think that originally came on due to the uncertainty for months as to whether Nathan would be getting a job overseas or not. So with having to take steroids and eye drops every 5 minutes as I couldn't blink in one eye, it all appeared too much. 

Christmas 2010 in Abu Dhabi

Making the final decision to move was actually quite easy. As both of our families are already in different states and a minimum of 3 hrs away, why not make it 11? The hardest part was leaving my best friend in the whole world! She had just come out of a breakup earlier in the year and still needed my love and support, however I needed to get on a plane to Nath. 

Well life in Abu Dhabi is interesting. It's quite conservative and quite quiet compared to Dubai. I love Abu Dhabi and would never live in Dubai. We live in a two bedroom apartment in the middle of the center of Abu Dhabi. There is a large expat community here which is amazing. Everyone is here away from their families, so you are all in the same boat. Which is also good as its a lot easier to make friends. We have made friendships over here that will last us a lifetime! 

at the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix

The downfall of being over here is the summer weather!! 50C+ in July/August is just terrible to say the least. I actually don't want to venture outside the house or office as its just that hot. I also have a problem with the aircon, as its so hot outside everyone thinks they should have the aircon the minus 50 temperatures, which causes me to wear jumpers and long sleeves to work everyday, otherwise i would freeze. Dont know if you can freeze to death when its 50C, however im sure I could be the first :)

Employment here is very westernized with a lot of international companies available in the UAE. As it is all tax free its nice that you can be earning a lot more than you would be in your home country.

My Love!!! Best birthday Present EVER!!!

Well what can I say about the driving?? These people are CRAZY!!! You would think they got their driving licences out of a cereal box (perhaps they did).

Anyways I think thats it, but I'll blog a chapter two soon, on shopping (my love), food, movies ect.

blog you later 

Stace